By Melody Ellenberger

Do you have good friends of the opposite sex?  Have you ever wished you could be romantically involved with a platonic friend?  Have you ever deliberately avoided becoming romantic with a platonic friend because you were afraid you would lose the friendship?

Have you ever wanted to "just be friends" when the other person clearly wanted to be "more than friends?"  Were you able to gently express your feelings?

Here’s another analogy for your consideration:

Someone has just given you a beautiful, green-leafed plant.  There are no care instructions and you don't even know the name of the plant.  However, you do your best to keep it alive, because the plant adds atmosphere and beauty to your home.

Gradually, over several weeks, you learn that it likes direct sun, moist soil, once-a-week feedings, and the sound of your voice.  Under your delicate care, it thrives by branching out with fresh, new leaves.

Then, after a few months, you notice it is about to bloom.  You didn't even know it was a flowering plant, so you’re excited.  Now you give it even more attention than ever.  You check the soil each day, instead of once a week, to make sure it is moist.  You talk to it each day, instead of just when you water it.  And, each day you turn it a couple of inches so that the whole plant gets an equal amount of light.

After 3 or 4 days of this extra attention, the bud is finally in full bloom.  It is absolutely gorgeous!  In fact, it’s the most beautiful flower you’ve ever seen in your life.  It was a beautiful plant without the bloom, but the surprise blossom brings you even more joy.

Now, let's say at the same time you were given the flowering plant, you were also given a different, green-leafed plant.  There were no care instructions for it either.  However, you learned to care for it in the same way you learned to care for the flowering plant.

You nurture this other plant for several months and it never produces flowers, but it still adds to the atmosphere of your home by sprouting new leaves and putting oxygen into the air.  Are you disappointed that it never produced any blossoms?  Do you throw it away because it never blossomed?  Or do you continue to enjoy its beauty realizing that some plants just don’t produce blooms?

Now back to the flowering plant.  Does it just bloom one time?  No, of course not.  With the proper attention and love, it continues to blossom. There may be periods of time when the plant is not in bloom.  But, even during those times, you continue to give it attention and love because you know that it's re-energizing itself in preparation for flowering again.

When I bought my first mum plants several years ago, the nursery attendant instructed, "You have to pluck off the first set of buds." "I have to WHAT?" was my astonished reply.  I thought the mums just automatically bloomed in September.  When the first buds appeared…with much apprehension…I plucked them off.  Why was I afraid?  Because there was a chance the next set may not appear and the glorious mums may not bloom at all.  That's when faith came into the picture.

Relationships are a lot like plants.  There are four essential ingredients necessary for a healthy, lasting relationship: chemistry, intimacy, compatibility and commitment.  If any one of these four ingredients is missing, there is no chance that the romantic relationship will last.  However, it takes time for all four ingredients to become present.  The chemistry is usually the first to appear.  That's when we have to remember the mums and ignore the first impulse to act on our sexual desires (the "flower"), having faith that if the other three ingredients develop, the chemistry will still be there.  After all, as a seed sprouts, we don’t expect it to bloom right away, do we?  We also have to accept that all four ingredients won't be there with every person of the opposite-sex that we meet.  But just because they lack one or two of them, doesn't mean they can't be a part of our lives in the form of a friendship ("foliage").