Unique Speed Dating Events and Personal Growth Classes for Singles in Denver & Beyond
"Celebrating 10 years of transitioning singles to couples."
Phone: (303) 750-2208 E-mail: melody@singlesworkshops.com
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Unique Speed Dating Events and Personal Growth Classes for Singles in Denver & Beyond "Celebrating 10 years of transitioning singles to couples." Phone: (303) 750-2208 E-mail: melody@singlesworkshops.com
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By Melody Ellenberger Here are the old terms: Womanizer, Ladies Man, Playboy. Here’s the new title: Player. The lines are blurred now. It’s no longer just men using women for sexual pleasure. Now it works both ways—thus, we have the new, nongender title. Before we can break the "Player" pattern, we should first define the title. What kind of person is a Player? Let’s start with some of Webster’s definitions for the word, "play": play vi: to have promiscuous or illicit sexual relations; to move aimlessly about; to deal in a light, speculative, or sportive manner. I asked a recent group of workshop participants to list the qualities of a Player, and here is what they came up with: Someone who is very flirty, especially sexually flirtatious Someone who is a game player Someone who has a reputation of having short-term relationships (lasting less than 2 yrs.—an "attraction junkie") Someone who is interested only in casual sex (sport sex) Someone who is not necessarily monogamous Someone who gives you lots of compliments upon first meeting Someone who is a "shopper" Someone who is dishonest, self-serving and superficial Someone who says negative things about marriage or "settling down"Do any of these qualities remind you of someone you used to date? Do the above qualities describe you? How does it make you feel to know you were involved with a Player? Does being involved with a Player then make you a Player? How does it feel knowing that others may be describing you as a "Player?" What causes someone to become a Player? That’s another list, isn’t it? Emotional woundedness (being severely criticized during childhood leaves some people with the need to prove how wonderful they really are, especially when interacting with the opposite sex) Badly burned at first attempt at love (the heartbreak was so bad that the person has shallow relationships the rest of his/her life) Learned behavior from a parent who was a Player or from Hollywood (there is a constant need for challenge; or he/she learned the opposite sex is to be conquered) What type of person is attracted to a Player? There is only one answer: a very insecure person. A Player’s special attention gives your ego a huge boost. However, the huge boost is a sign that your self-esteem must have been in the gutter. You know you are way out of balance when being sexually desired is the only thing that gives your ego a huge boost. So, how do you break out of Player mode? Simple answer: take at least a six-month "dating break." Yes, your friends will notice that you are not "with" anyone and they will ask questions. Be prepared to answer by saying, "I am on a dating break and am taking time to work on myself." Your true friends will admire that answer and respect you. Romans 12:2 – Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. |
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