Unique Speed Dating Events and Personal Growth Classes for Singles in Denver & Beyond

"Celebrating 10 years of transitioning singles to couples."

Phone: (303) 750-2208   E-mail: melody@singlesworkshops.com

By Melody Ellenberger

        Did you take a class called "Relationships 101" when you were in high school or college?  Probably not.  The responsibility for that type of education was in the hands of our parents--not the school systems.

        Do you feel like you received really good instruction from your family of origin on how to be a loving, emotionally healthy person?  Most people would probably say, "No."  Hospitals did not hand out "Parenting Manuals" when we were born, did they?

        In spite of the above facts, many people think that we are born into this world automatically knowing how to love.  I believe we are all born into this world with love in our hearts; however, all the people we come into contact with have taught us how to express that love.

        To illustrate that point, consider our bodies' natural functions and activities that happen automatically without a conscious effort.  We have many involuntary functions occurring continuously, such as breathing, swallowing, etc.  We didn't have to take a class to learn how to do any of those things.  We were truly born with this knowledge.

        However, we were not born knowing how to "do" relationships—we learned it.  Unfortunately, a lot of those "relationship lessons" were painful and unhealthy.  The proof is a 50% divorce rate.

        We are fortunate to be living in a country that encourages personal growth beyond the age of 18.  Our society is also finally recognizing the importance of emotional intelligence.  We are also very fortunate to be living in a metro area that offers, through various avenues, several relationship workshops that are designed to help singles learn and practice relationship skills in safe and supportive environments.

        So, why don’t more singles take advantage of these classes?  Well, I’ve heard plenty of excuses over the past several years.  But, the real reason we avoid these classes is because we don't want to face our feelings.  These classes bring awareness to our "mistakes," and the minute we recognize our unhealthy behavior, we feel guilty and ashamed of ourselves.  Doesn’t it seem as if there is a special kind of nausea that is reserved for the emotions of guilt and shame?  It’s an awful feeling, isn’t it?  

        So how do we turn that awful feeling around?  Not by avoiding it, but by viewing guilt and shame as a gift from God that helps us modify our behavior.  These emotions signify that we are mature adults and that we have the capacity to take responsibility for our own behavior.  It is also important to not dwell on those emotions, but to forgive yourself and let the grace of God wash over you.  Remember that anything that is learned can be unlearned and then relearned, and IT’S NEVER TOO LATE!

Send mail to melody@singlesworkshops.com with questions or comments about this web site.
Copyright © 1998 Melody Ellenberger
Last modified: 08/12/08 / Site created:  1/06/02