Unique Speed Dating Events and Personal Growth Classes for Singles in Denver & Beyond

"Celebrating 10 years of transitioning singles to couples."

Phone: (303) 750-2208   E-mail: melody@singlesworkshops.com

By Melody Ellenberger

        Back in the good old days, when a gentleman had been courting a lady for a while, the lady's parents would ask the gentleman, "What are your intentions?"  The reason this question was asked was because in those days honor was important.  In those days, people cared about character and their reputations.

        Today, in our "commitment-phobic" country, it seems we have lost the meaning and importance of intention.

        Here is Webster's definition of intention: "what one purposes to accomplish or attain."  After you have been dating someone for a while, have you ever thought of asking yourself, "What is my intention in dating this person?"  "What am I hoping to accomplish?"  "What am I hoping to attain?"  I suppose there could be several answers to those questions.

        Here are some of the dishonorable answers:

"I'm hoping to have hot, passionate sex with this person as soon as possible."

"I’m hoping this person will give me lots of affection, until someone more compatible comes along."

"I'm hoping this person will make me look good in front of my friends."

"I'm hoping this person will buy me lots of nice things."

"I'm hoping this person will be my vacation companion for this next trip."

"I'm hoping this person will fix things for me."

"I'm hoping this person will invite me over for home-cooked meals."

        Those answers sound shallow, don’t they?  That is because those answers are based on ego-gratification and neediness.  Those are not the answers of a mature, healthy single looking for a committed relationship.

        Here is an honorable alternative.  First, "begin with the end in mind."  Personal-growth oriented people have a desire to evolve, which means they have higher aspirations.  If your goal is to be in a healthy, long-term, committed relationship, then the honorable answer would be: 

"I’m hoping to get to know this person better in order to determine if we would be compatible for a long-term, committed relationship."

        I’d like to suggest that you put your intention into motion by following the series of steps listed below:

1. I intend to get out and meet other singles in safe, social settings.
2. At these social events, I intend to have meaningful conversations with several people of the opposite sex in order to determine whom I would most like to date.
3. I intend to date the ones I find particularly interesting and attractive.
4. I intend to spend more time with one person that I find the most interesting, available and compatible.
5. (After about 3 to 6 mos. from the first date)  I intend to exclusively date this one person.
6. (After 12 to 18 mos. from the first date)  I intend to talk to this person about becoming life partners.

Philippians 3:14 – I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God.

Send mail to melody@singlesworkshops.com with questions or comments about this web site.
Copyright © 1998 Melody Ellenberger
Last modified: 08/12/08 / Site created:  1/06/02