What if we were to approach a romantic relationship with the common sense employers use when they are interviewing a job applicant?  Employers know that in order to hire a quality worker, they must consider the applicant’s job history, education, skills and enthusiasm for the job.  Why?  Because they want to hire someone who is going to stick around.  Why?  Because it gives the employer a sense of security that the job is going to get done.  Training a new employee can be expensive and takes a lot of time and energy.  If they were to spend all their time interviewing or training, very little would get accomplished.  Also, if the new hire leaves the position within the first few months, the employer has received very little in return for his/her investment.

Likewise, if singles took the time to find out more about a potential partner’s qualifications for a healthy, long-term relationship, they’d spend less time "training" and more time enjoying each other.  Before you become intimately involved, it's important to know how your partner would answer the following questions.  PLEASE NOTE: I'm not suggesting that you actually ask him/her these questions, but casually bring these topics into a conversation little by little over the course of a few weeks.

    Casual dating only—short-term, no strings

    Monogamous relationship--lasting a few years with no cohabitation

    Monogamous relationship--lasting several years with cohabitation

    Marriage—lasting remainder of lifetime, including child rearing

    Marriage—lasting remainder of lifetime, no children

4.    What kind of relationship education have you pursued?  (i.e. divorce recovery workshop, relationship workshop, psychology classes, lectures, therapy, books)

5.    What are your relationship strengths?

6.    What are your relationship weaknesses?

7.    What are your long-range career goals?  5 years?  10 years?

8.    What are your long-range relationship goals?  2 years?  5 years?

9.    What do you believe are the qualities that make for a healthy relationship?

Let’s look at how job security compares to relationship security.  What is it about your job that makes you look forward to going to work?  Is it the duties you complete that give you a sense of accomplishment?  Is it the emotional intimacy you share with your co-workers?  Is it the beauty of the environment that lifts your spirits?  Is there a benefits package (e.g. paid time-off, health insurance, 401k, continuing education credit, etc.)?  Is the company financially stable?  Or is it only the paycheck that provides a roof over your head?

Now, let’s look at your current or ideal relationship.  What is it about your partner that makes you look forward to being with him/her?  Is it the activities you enjoy together?  Is it the emotional intimacy?  Is it your partner’s strength of character and dedication to personal growth?  Is it your partner’s physical appearance?  Is it the financial benefits (e.g. free dinners, concerts, auto repair, house-cleaning, etc.)?  Or, is it only the great sex (the "paycheck")?

Would you still do your job if there were no sense of accomplishment, emotional intimacy, a beautiful environment, benefits, a paycheck?  Would you enjoy working for a company that was on shaky ground?  Would you stay at a job if you felt the position might not be there tomorrow, or next week, or next month?

By now, I’m sure you are getting the picture.  A sense of security is not only important in a job--it is essential for a healthy relationship.  "When the heart is at ease, the body is healthy."