Unique Speed Dating Events and Personal Growth Classes for Singles in Denver & Beyond

"Celebrating 10 years of transitioning singles to couples."

Phone: (303) 750-2208   E-mail: melody@singlesworkshops.com

By Melody Ellenberger

        SinglesWorkshops.com gives you lots of ideas to make changes and succeed in your next, and hopefully your last, relationship.  However, the reality is that there isn’t one sure-fire "success" or "change" strategy when it comes to love, but you can eliminate or adjust your failure habits.  So, now I’m going to present the opposite view, because sometimes it is a bit more revealing to see how to fail, instead of how to succeed... 

• Be satisfied: Make "this is good enough" your personal theme for the length of the relationship.  The comfort zone is the best killer of romance.  That’s why it’s harder to stay in love than to fall in love.  Whatever you do, don’t be hungry to grow and learn, or to improve.  Your new motto is: "just sit there."

• Think of yourself as "Numero Uno": You’re No. 1.  Who cares about anyone else?  Go ahead, take your dating partner for granted.  As long as your needs are met, who cares?  Sometimes, with just an attitude of superiority, or by taking all the credit for anything good that happens, you can send the wrong message to your partner and everyone you know.  This is good for failure.

• Quit taking risks: "I’ve taken enough risk; let my dating partner take a risk on something new."  This is a great way to be swept away by your partner.  Taking the easy route and avoiding risk will get you out of the romance and into isolation in a heartbeat.

• Concentrate on everyone else, instead of your dating partner: Just react to what everyone else does, rather than what your partner wants or needs.  Simple failure formula: Just study and compare yourself to your friends, or copy and worry about their strengths, instead of playing up to your own.

• Be inflexible: Keep your present personal limits in place.  Don’t you dare alter your routine.  Make your dating partner’s routine fit into yours.  Don’t worry, someone will love you—your dog, your cat or your goldfish. Sounds like a plan.

• Rely totally on your friends, relatives, therapists, to do your thinking and make decisions for you:  After all, they know what’s best for you.  They can read your mind and know exactly what you’re thinking and feeling.  They can also follow you around and monitor your every move.  Then they hook themselves up to a special pipeline leading down from heaven (because your special pipeline is temporarily ‘out of order’) and deliver to you the supreme answers to all of your problems.  If you follow everyone else’s opinions and never take any responsibility for yourself, you just might be able to be close to and distant from your dating partner at the same time.

        Here’s the best news for failures: Only losers refuse to reach and grow.  Only losers refuse to exceed their partner’s expectations when the opportunity presents itself.  If your motto is: "I’m Number One," and your limit is "This is good enough," and your most powerful question is "Hey, what’s on TV?", then you are ripe for the goal of a failed relationship.

What’s your motto?

What’s your limit?

What’s your most powerful question?

WHAT’S YOUR GOAL?

1 Timothy 1:5 - The goal of this command is love, which comes from a pure heart and a good conscience and a sincere faith.

Send mail to melody@singlesworkshops.com with questions or comments about this web site.
Copyright © 1998 Melody Ellenberger
Last modified: 08/12/08 / Site created:  1/06/02